So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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