I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
