woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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