U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
