I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
