Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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