The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
