Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
