There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
