high people should be assigned attendants
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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