Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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