my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
