Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
