When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
