You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
