Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
