Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
