Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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