so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
