her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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