Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize