It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
