I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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