If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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