Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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