You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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