we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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