I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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