your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
