Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
