it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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