He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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