I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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