The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drake has all the answers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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