saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
