Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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