So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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