Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize