a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
