I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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