They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
