she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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