I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize