his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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