I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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