ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
