I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
