that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
