I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
