I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
