if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
