All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
