just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
