i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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