i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He passed out mid-signature
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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