official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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