You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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