"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
