i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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