she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
