WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
