I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
