My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We have so much sex to catch up on
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
