i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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