please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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