There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
