I showed him my bush... on skype.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
