Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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