I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
