I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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