nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize