I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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