Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
