Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
