i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
