its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
