my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
