if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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