I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
