All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
