I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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