Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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