my mouth tastes like poor choices
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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