Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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