a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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