I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
