Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
