Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
