dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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