Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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