hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
