4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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