I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize