A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
