Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
