You work out of a Hotel?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
