Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
