yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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